Managing pain

People from our past who we loved and no longer see and who haven't died
Have a superhuman glow
The sense memory is warm and sharp, dream-like, potent,
The memories conceal the coldness of the universe
the ticking clock
the silent TV flashing for company
the falling within the heart.

I catch myself
Talking to my past self
Trying to project back this hindsight
And I try to get quicker
At cutting this futile, imaginary conversation,
A conversation bringing terrible pain wrapped in comforting packaging.

No longer young
Still I can feel a hint of romance
A hint of soul for the world
All those lonely hours we spend
Before we are reminded of other vulvas and Starbucks.

To walk the floor of my happy past
Is an illusion
I give into in my sleep I guess.

Para One - You Too (2014 Club Mix)

Before I Go To Sainsbury's

Before I go to Sainsbury's I thought I'd write a little poem

I'm sad

I miss your laugh
And your hair
I miss our dreams
Our joy in the present
Our joyful future in front of us
I was yours
You were mine

I never thought I could love someone so much
It's not funny or clever or new
But it's true
I'm in pain
All the time
Trying to be positive

Come back
Hug me
I'll never let you go
I'll hold you
And I'll dance my silly dance
Whenever you want
As long as you want